Home Sick

When you're home sick, there's not much to do. But it is a time for some things:

1. reading (if your sinus headache can take it)

2. watching TV (especially shows and movies over five years-old)

3. appreciating hot soup (chicken noodle does it every time)

4. grading (see #1)

5. Facebooking (and receiving well-wishes from folks you haven't talked to in 10 years)

6. coughing and blowing your nose loudly (and not caring)

7. staring off into emptiness (space just doesn't sound as good)

8. texting (see #1)

9. drinking Gatorade (and not working out)

10. avoiding traffic (need I say more?)

Thank you, Sixth Graders, for sharing your uncovered sneezes and coughs and germ-soaked papers. Though my head feels like a bass drum with a pillow stuffed inside it, and my cough would make a ninety year-old smoking asthmatic cringe, I will try to enjoy my time at home.

Now, more of the Dan Patrick Show...

Things I Like

In accordance to the commands set forth by the ruler of MurphWorld, I'm going to list some, not all, things I like. Omissions include family and friends because they're just too obvious. There is no fancy introduction or anticipatory prologue to this list.

Here goes (in no particular order):

1. Dunkin Donuts Coffee
2. Inappropriate statements that don't cross the line but make people uncomfortable (especially ones from my two year-old daughter)
3. Facebook
4. Baseball
5. Playoff baseball (there is a difference)
6. Pepperoni Pizza
7. Buffalo chicken anything
8. A River Runs Through It
9. Cold weather
10. Skiing
11. Copenhagen (not the city)
12. Switzerland
13. Books that make me feel like I'm not reading
14. Movie theater popcorn with gobs of butter
15. Fountain Coke
16. Hoosier anything
17. Corn fields
18. Friday night high school football
19. the crack of a baseball off a wood bat
20. Netflix
21. Loitering in bookstores
22. Making bets
23. Being right
24. Writing freehand with a nice pen (from my thoughtful Wife)
25. Cold water when it's hot outside
26. Stinky Cheese
27. Gladiator
28. Grilling
29. Steak that's slightly pink
30. Scenery
31. Quiet
32. Camping
33. Fires
34. Straight lines
35. t-shirt and jeans
36. My car
37. Traveling
38. Bread & butter
39. Cold beer
40. Good wine
41. Sweating
42. Being caught up
43. Overcast mornings with nothing to do
44. Trying on sunglasses
45. Looking at houses
46. Using a 3-hole punch
47. Floating on water holding a beverage
48. Competitive situations
49. Sitting in the back
50. Writing (even the tough times)

Short Story Tips for Middle Schoolers

Begin your short story close to the end. This cuts your journey in half and makes your story a SHORT story.

Focus on one SCENE at a time! Make each scene as strong as possible.

CONFLICT CREATES STORY. Put your character in a tough situation and have them get out of it in a fun, smart, entertaining way.

SURPRISES (and plot twists) are effective, only when they make sense.

Use strong VERBS. Stay away from adverbs (quickly, sarcastically, flatly, happily, joyously, apologetically, YUCK!). Adverbs slow and interrupt narrative; they also weaken your writing.

USE RECURRING ELEMENTS. If your character wears a silver heart necklace, you should mention it more than once. This makes the world you've created more complete. It's okay to repeat!

I passed along this bullet point sheet to my creative writing students (7th & 8th graders) this week. Of course, these points can be used when writing more than short stories.

Any more you would like to share? I'll take and use.

Thing I've Heard and Seen at School

Student: "My orthodonist is so out to get me."

Me: "What is a quarter horse?"

Student A: "A horse that costs a quarter?"

Student B: "One of those horses that you put a quarter in and ride?"

My Inner Voice: "I didn't sign up for this."

A one-inch binder with ENGLESH across the front in fat red letters.

Student: "Mr. Wymer, your assigned seats are so confusing."

Me: A scrunched up face.

My Inner Voice: "What the hell is this kid talking about?"

Me: "You're five minutes late. Where were you?'

Student: "My locker was jammed."

Student Sitting Far Away: "You said that last week."

Me, while looking at Student Sitting Far Away: "You get extra credit."

Running: Nil.

Writing: Off to work on revisions. Getting closer.