Six men will be locked away in a room for 250 days. They are doing it in the name of NASA, to prep for a mission to Mars. That's how long it will take to fly to Mars, land for a month, and then fly home. The shrinks want to make sure they can handle the mental strain of the journey. I don't blame the doctors for conducting the study. 250 days? That's a long time.
I'd be fine with a few things, like: no TV, no internet, no annoying traffic, but I'd miss a lot of things too. Mainly my family. I foresee these six dudes going through quite a few physiological and mental stages, few of them good. The beginning will be dandy, like the first day of school.
By day 60, they will be sick of going to sleep to "Reggie's farts" and waking up to "Jeff's stank breath."
By day 120, a few will be thoroughly depressed.
By day 190, there will be fistfights.
By day 220, three men will have taken on new identities out of boredom, the other three will have taken on those three men's identities. Does that make sense?
By day 249, there will be widespread belief they are really going to Mars.
On day 250, the "hatch" will open and five men will grossly embarrass themselves when they find out they're still on Earth. Three will puke, two will faint, one will think he really is on Mars.
These guys are nuts. But the experiment reminds me of being locked in a story with characters you create. You're there, with them. And on a really good day it's like they're talking to you, on their own, doing their own things, making their own choices. By the end of the story you're sick of them. You want them out of your life. You want their destinies decided and the door slammed shut on their world.
But if you create something special, none of that happens. You never want the experiment to end. You want these people you've created to keep breathing. You want it to last forever.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Whatchoo Talkin Bout Willis?
Today is an official day of mourning. Gary Coleman has passed. You might be asking yourself why I care so much. Well, I have a confession. I admit that within the past year I've been saying the classic Arnold Jackson line to Blondie, who laughs at me and then repeats it. Trust me. It's funny.
But sadly, and I say this with *no sarcasm*, our four-foot-eight confrontational conversator has left us. Poor guy never grew out of his most famed TV role. No pun intended.
Gary Coleman -- What Might Be Right For You, May Not Be Right For Some.
*Okay, maybe a little. Even though **Death is not funny.
**If it's something we all eventually experience, it should be capitalized. I think it's a Proper Noun. Not a place or a person, but an ENERGY. No, that's too positive. Let's call it a FORCE, one decided by THE THREE FATES.
But sadly, and I say this with *no sarcasm*, our four-foot-eight confrontational conversator has left us. Poor guy never grew out of his most famed TV role. No pun intended.
Gary Coleman -- What Might Be Right For You, May Not Be Right For Some.
*Okay, maybe a little. Even though **Death is not funny.
**If it's something we all eventually experience, it should be capitalized. I think it's a Proper Noun. Not a place or a person, but an ENERGY. No, that's too positive. Let's call it a FORCE, one decided by THE THREE FATES.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Another One of These...
Anita has tagged me with this awful survey, which makes me want to yank out my arm hairs one by one with tweezers. I loathe these question/answer posts in which someone else tags you to make you feel included or cool or just plain annoyed (that would be you, Anita). Sorry to sound like the cranky neighbor ("Get off my lawn"), but, really, my life is better without answering arbitrary questions about myself. If this were a Getting To Know The Author questionnaire for my debut novel, that would be one thing, but Five Snacks I Enjoy? Really? Who gives a hoot!
Where were you five years ago?
Sitting in the same desk I'm at now, typing on a computer, but doing something far more productive than answering questions like this.
Where would you like to be five years from now?
Sitting in a similar desk at home, typing on a computer, while writing a novel in which I'm getting paid to write.
What is/was on your to do list today?
Grade papers. Distribute a difficult open-book quiz covering the last three parts of The Trojan War. Grade quiz. Read Writer's Digest, SCBWI Bulletin. Read more of Bovine. Wow, is that book long! Fast read though.
What five snacks do you enjoy?
1. Dorritos
2. Apples (no joke)
3. Nuts
4. Soft Cookies
5. Coffee (yes, it's a snack)
What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?
1. Take care of my family (all of them), including a nice fat diamond ring for my wife. Why not? I have billions more.
2. Donate millions to charities (my choices)
3. Start a publishing company, one which only publishes YA, Middle Grade, and picture books. (It would be freaking awesome to give a greenlight on a book and take it through the process--with hired guns, of course.). Seriously, what else am I going to do, sit around and get fat? No thanks.
4. Donate other stuff to charities, like computers, books, food, clothing, shoes, medical supplies, toilets, not just money)
5. Design my own house on a massive lot that I never have to mow.
Where were you five years ago?
Sitting in the same desk I'm at now, typing on a computer, but doing something far more productive than answering questions like this.
Where would you like to be five years from now?
Sitting in a similar desk at home, typing on a computer, while writing a novel in which I'm getting paid to write.
What is/was on your to do list today?
Grade papers. Distribute a difficult open-book quiz covering the last three parts of The Trojan War. Grade quiz. Read Writer's Digest, SCBWI Bulletin. Read more of Bovine. Wow, is that book long! Fast read though.
What five snacks do you enjoy?
1. Dorritos
2. Apples (no joke)
3. Nuts
4. Soft Cookies
5. Coffee (yes, it's a snack)
What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?
1. Take care of my family (all of them), including a nice fat diamond ring for my wife. Why not? I have billions more.
2. Donate millions to charities (my choices)
3. Start a publishing company, one which only publishes YA, Middle Grade, and picture books. (It would be freaking awesome to give a greenlight on a book and take it through the process--with hired guns, of course.). Seriously, what else am I going to do, sit around and get fat? No thanks.
4. Donate other stuff to charities, like computers, books, food, clothing, shoes, medical supplies, toilets, not just money)
5. Design my own house on a massive lot that I never have to mow.
Friday, May 21, 2010
The Sponge Years
In the last couple weeks I've changed my first middle grade novel from third person to first person. Here are the reasons why?
1. The main character was calling for it.
2. The story was calling for it.
3. I've spend the last *6 years* writing this story the wrong way and didn't know it until now.
Should I have several other novels written by now? Probably. But during that time (my post-college 20s) I was soaking up anything and everything I could find about writing, including books, books, books. In life you never stop learning, but I believe this stage, the early years, is most critical for writers. I call it "The Sponge Years."
The Sponge Years (chronologically deciphered--I like both of those words, so I used them):
1. A green writer sets out to read and take in knowledge and craft and strategies anyone who might know what they're talking about has to offer.
(Let me intervene and say that this writer I speak of, whoever it may be, should receive a gold star, the tiny kind from elementary school, for being a knowledge seeker and wanting to learn. Not everyone wants to learn, but those who do gain more knowledge than others, which in turn makes you smarter, which in another turn causes you to know more random stuff like the difference between a Progress and Impediment Scene or the reproductive cycle of a duckbill platypus).
2. Said writer must decipher good from bad and absorb that which benefits himself. The best place to start is overlapping information, which you hear from several different sources. Usually that kind of info has merit. Not always, but most of the time. Unfortunately, The Sponge Years, as happened to me, can leave you with the din of know-it-alls--from magazines to bookstores to websites--telling you how to write, what to write, when to write, and even where to write.
3. Throw it all out the window. Yes, chuck it like a gum wrapper when no one is looking (I would never do that, Mother Earth).
4. Sit (or stand if you're weird) and start writing. On a legal pad, in a journal, on a laptop, a desktop, a droptop, it doesn't matter. Tell a story you want to tell. Don't let anyone stand in your way and tell you it sucks (unless it really sucks, in that case don't show your work to anyone for five years, maybe ten, depending how fast you learn or how quickly you become better).
5. Read. Write. Revise. Read more. Write more. Revise more. Learn more.
6. Get involved. Web-based communities, conferences, librarians, fellow writerships (made that word up), take a class or two, attend lectures, author panels, you get the hint.
So there it is peeps, The Sponge Years. Take them or leave them. If these years are behind you, then hopefully I've at least conjured a few vivid memories, including the time you had that conversation with the "writer" who was penning a story described as The Cat in the Hat meets Catcher in the Rye.
*I wrote the first page of this novel in 2004. I've written stuff in between, started another novel, which is over halfway complete, but I've never felt as strongly about a project as this one. Up to this point I haven't gotten it right, but I'm not giving up on it. I refuse to be the writer who spends his entire life on one manuscript and never completes it, that's why I want to get this one right and move on. For good. The novel is finished, and has been for a couple years, but it's gone through several revisions and a whole lot of improvement.
By no means is changing the POV to first person a slam dunk, but if you knew the MC's story, you'd agree that it had to be done.
1. The main character was calling for it.
2. The story was calling for it.
3. I've spend the last *6 years* writing this story the wrong way and didn't know it until now.
Should I have several other novels written by now? Probably. But during that time (my post-college 20s) I was soaking up anything and everything I could find about writing, including books, books, books. In life you never stop learning, but I believe this stage, the early years, is most critical for writers. I call it "The Sponge Years."
The Sponge Years (chronologically deciphered--I like both of those words, so I used them):
1. A green writer sets out to read and take in knowledge and craft and strategies anyone who might know what they're talking about has to offer.
(Let me intervene and say that this writer I speak of, whoever it may be, should receive a gold star, the tiny kind from elementary school, for being a knowledge seeker and wanting to learn. Not everyone wants to learn, but those who do gain more knowledge than others, which in turn makes you smarter, which in another turn causes you to know more random stuff like the difference between a Progress and Impediment Scene or the reproductive cycle of a duckbill platypus).
2. Said writer must decipher good from bad and absorb that which benefits himself. The best place to start is overlapping information, which you hear from several different sources. Usually that kind of info has merit. Not always, but most of the time. Unfortunately, The Sponge Years, as happened to me, can leave you with the din of know-it-alls--from magazines to bookstores to websites--telling you how to write, what to write, when to write, and even where to write.
3. Throw it all out the window. Yes, chuck it like a gum wrapper when no one is looking (I would never do that, Mother Earth).
4. Sit (or stand if you're weird) and start writing. On a legal pad, in a journal, on a laptop, a desktop, a droptop, it doesn't matter. Tell a story you want to tell. Don't let anyone stand in your way and tell you it sucks (unless it really sucks, in that case don't show your work to anyone for five years, maybe ten, depending how fast you learn or how quickly you become better).
5. Read. Write. Revise. Read more. Write more. Revise more. Learn more.
6. Get involved. Web-based communities, conferences, librarians, fellow writerships (made that word up), take a class or two, attend lectures, author panels, you get the hint.
So there it is peeps, The Sponge Years. Take them or leave them. If these years are behind you, then hopefully I've at least conjured a few vivid memories, including the time you had that conversation with the "writer" who was penning a story described as The Cat in the Hat meets Catcher in the Rye.
*I wrote the first page of this novel in 2004. I've written stuff in between, started another novel, which is over halfway complete, but I've never felt as strongly about a project as this one. Up to this point I haven't gotten it right, but I'm not giving up on it. I refuse to be the writer who spends his entire life on one manuscript and never completes it, that's why I want to get this one right and move on. For good. The novel is finished, and has been for a couple years, but it's gone through several revisions and a whole lot of improvement.
By no means is changing the POV to first person a slam dunk, but if you knew the MC's story, you'd agree that it had to be done.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Night, Oh Night, Please Go Away
Seven candles
Burning bright
They all go out
Now it's night
Dark has come
To tickle my toes
To scratch my head
And pick my nose
My head spins
My heart twitches
I'm scared right out
Of my pajama britches
Pull the covers up
Over my head
I have no choice
But to play dead
Night, Oh Night
Please go away
Bring up the sun
So I can play.
Burning bright
They all go out
Now it's night
Dark has come
To tickle my toes
To scratch my head
And pick my nose
My head spins
My heart twitches
I'm scared right out
Of my pajama britches
Pull the covers up
Over my head
I have no choice
But to play dead
Night, Oh Night
Please go away
Bring up the sun
So I can play.
Friday, May 7, 2010
"Does Spelling Count?"
Yes. No. Let me explain:
As a sixth grade English teacher, I get this one a lot, especially when it comes to quizzes, tests, and homework assignments. My take: I could really care less if you spell every word correctly on an assignment or test, as long as the content is stellar. However, we need to backpedal before pursuing this topic any further.
In the past several years (well, since the onslaught of computers and Microsoft Word and Spellcheck), spelling has become less of an issue in classrooms. Years ago, many schools (public and private) emphasized perfection when it came to forming letters and spelling words correctly. It seemed this was done purposefully in the lower grades, like kindergarten and first grade, so students would learn the RIGHT way to WRITE.
I hate to break your pencil--but this was all a LIE.
The Societal Approach to Writing has progressed since then, though many argue it has digressed. Those digressors. Pity them. How often do you hear someone say, "It's not like it used to be when I was in school." You know who I'm talking about. Mom, Grandpa, Neighbor, Grocer, Librarian. That may be true, Debby Downer, it's not the same as it used to be. It's a whole lot better.
Spelling words correctly has little to do with writing.
Let me repeat that. Spelling words correctly has LITTLE to do with writing. It has A LOT to do with presentation of writing but nothing to do with the meat and potatoes of a written piece, whether it's a four line poem or a 10 page essay. Content is what the writer is saying. The points the writer makes. The message conveyed. The support of the thesis. The story itself. This is CONTENT.
So now you're thinking, "How can an English teacher not care about spelling? That would drive me to an early grave." You're right. When I began teaching, these tiny mistakes drove me nuts. They kept me up at night. But now I've learned to look past the occasional misspelled word (current culprit: emortal) and the lower case proper noun (current culprit: greeks/trojans). Now, when I grade or comment on papers, I put on my CONTENT GLASSES. For some reason, my content glasses can't see these small imperfections. After all, no one is perfect and no one writes perfectly, especially a twelve year-old.
SpellCheck:
This one is a hot topic. My take: In order to use SpellCheck, one must be a savvy enough speller to know whether the suggested replacement is the right word for the sentence. Be careful. Computers are not all-knowing.
Homophones/Homonyms/Homographs:
I spend quality time reviewing these little boogers. Everyday words, like there/their/they're and your/you're. Many of them fall under punctuation (its-it's), others have to do with spelling. These invaders do not get passed my content glasses. We use them too often and there are so many of them; they can't go unrecognized. (BTW - I know many adults who still misuse contractions... constantly. It makes me ill.)
Let me clarify three points.
1. Last year my colleague (fellow sixth grade teacher) and I decided to drop our spelling book. To replace it (after sifting through several options) we picked up a vocabulary book that will expose students to a host of valuable words, which can be used in everyday writing and speaking.
2. If a student's spelling is so debilitating that it fogs over my CONTENT GLASSES and turns my stomach over, causing me to blindly stumble to the nearest toilet, then I will have a conversation with that student. I will offer suggestions and methods, sometimes mandatory, to improve that student's spelling. There are lists of 100 most commonly misspelled words for all ages. Usually the main culprits hang out there.
3. Spelling matters most in these situations:
-Resumes
-Job Applications
-Business Letters/Emails
-When you get to college (depending on the professor)
-Sending work to Agents/Editors/Magazines/Journals to be published
To summarize, in my world, my little sixth grade world, spelling doesn't count for much, unless it's out of control. Unless it makes your paper unreadable. Unless it cracks the lenses of my CONTENT GLASSES.
Unless it lokes sumthang lkie tihs.
As a sixth grade English teacher, I get this one a lot, especially when it comes to quizzes, tests, and homework assignments. My take: I could really care less if you spell every word correctly on an assignment or test, as long as the content is stellar. However, we need to backpedal before pursuing this topic any further.
In the past several years (well, since the onslaught of computers and Microsoft Word and Spellcheck), spelling has become less of an issue in classrooms. Years ago, many schools (public and private) emphasized perfection when it came to forming letters and spelling words correctly. It seemed this was done purposefully in the lower grades, like kindergarten and first grade, so students would learn the RIGHT way to WRITE.
I hate to break your pencil--but this was all a LIE.
The Societal Approach to Writing has progressed since then, though many argue it has digressed. Those digressors. Pity them. How often do you hear someone say, "It's not like it used to be when I was in school." You know who I'm talking about. Mom, Grandpa, Neighbor, Grocer, Librarian. That may be true, Debby Downer, it's not the same as it used to be. It's a whole lot better.
Spelling words correctly has little to do with writing.
Let me repeat that. Spelling words correctly has LITTLE to do with writing. It has A LOT to do with presentation of writing but nothing to do with the meat and potatoes of a written piece, whether it's a four line poem or a 10 page essay. Content is what the writer is saying. The points the writer makes. The message conveyed. The support of the thesis. The story itself. This is CONTENT.
So now you're thinking, "How can an English teacher not care about spelling? That would drive me to an early grave." You're right. When I began teaching, these tiny mistakes drove me nuts. They kept me up at night. But now I've learned to look past the occasional misspelled word (current culprit: emortal) and the lower case proper noun (current culprit: greeks/trojans). Now, when I grade or comment on papers, I put on my CONTENT GLASSES. For some reason, my content glasses can't see these small imperfections. After all, no one is perfect and no one writes perfectly, especially a twelve year-old.
SpellCheck:
This one is a hot topic. My take: In order to use SpellCheck, one must be a savvy enough speller to know whether the suggested replacement is the right word for the sentence. Be careful. Computers are not all-knowing.
Homophones/Homonyms/Homographs:
I spend quality time reviewing these little boogers. Everyday words, like there/their/they're and your/you're. Many of them fall under punctuation (its-it's), others have to do with spelling. These invaders do not get passed my content glasses. We use them too often and there are so many of them; they can't go unrecognized. (BTW - I know many adults who still misuse contractions... constantly. It makes me ill.)
Let me clarify three points.
1. Last year my colleague (fellow sixth grade teacher) and I decided to drop our spelling book. To replace it (after sifting through several options) we picked up a vocabulary book that will expose students to a host of valuable words, which can be used in everyday writing and speaking.
2. If a student's spelling is so debilitating that it fogs over my CONTENT GLASSES and turns my stomach over, causing me to blindly stumble to the nearest toilet, then I will have a conversation with that student. I will offer suggestions and methods, sometimes mandatory, to improve that student's spelling. There are lists of 100 most commonly misspelled words for all ages. Usually the main culprits hang out there.
3. Spelling matters most in these situations:
-Resumes
-Job Applications
-Business Letters/Emails
-When you get to college (depending on the professor)
-Sending work to Agents/Editors/Magazines/Journals to be published
To summarize, in my world, my little sixth grade world, spelling doesn't count for much, unless it's out of control. Unless it makes your paper unreadable. Unless it cracks the lenses of my CONTENT GLASSES.
Unless it lokes sumthang lkie tihs.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Tears, LC, SCBWI & Pat Sajak
So what's going on in the world (I mean my world).
Today is Wife's birthday. I already made her cry tears of happiness. Yes, I'm that sweet.
LC is going on four weeks old already. Time flies.
Blondie has attemped breast-feeding her dolls. Doesn't work when you're three. Well, it doesn't work for many reasons.
Baseball season is winding down. Playoffs approaching.
I just returned from the Sixth Grade retreat in Simi Valley at an extension of Brandeis University. It was fun and the food was decent, except for the no meat part.
Last week I registered for the SCBWI Summer Conference. I also signed up for Linda Sue Park's Master Class. If that strikes your memory and causes you dejavu, it should. I took her class at last year's conference and was totally inspired and learned a heap of goodness. She's teaching a slightly different class this year. Plus she's really into baseball. Can't go wrong. I'll be there.
The iPad is everywhere. I want one. (Wife refers to it as the iPatch. That's funny).
I'm pumped about the book I'm reading: 8th Grade Superzero, by an author with more vowels in her name than Pat Sajak's dreams. Read about her road to publication via query.
Chalk Talk is up and running (see top left link). Consider it your writing playground on topics ranging from first/third person preferences to the Kindle vs. iPad war.
Today is Wife's birthday. I already made her cry tears of happiness. Yes, I'm that sweet.
LC is going on four weeks old already. Time flies.
Blondie has attemped breast-feeding her dolls. Doesn't work when you're three. Well, it doesn't work for many reasons.
Baseball season is winding down. Playoffs approaching.
I just returned from the Sixth Grade retreat in Simi Valley at an extension of Brandeis University. It was fun and the food was decent, except for the no meat part.
Last week I registered for the SCBWI Summer Conference. I also signed up for Linda Sue Park's Master Class. If that strikes your memory and causes you dejavu, it should. I took her class at last year's conference and was totally inspired and learned a heap of goodness. She's teaching a slightly different class this year. Plus she's really into baseball. Can't go wrong. I'll be there.
The iPad is everywhere. I want one. (Wife refers to it as the iPatch. That's funny).
I'm pumped about the book I'm reading: 8th Grade Superzero, by an author with more vowels in her name than Pat Sajak's dreams. Read about her road to publication via query.
Chalk Talk is up and running (see top left link). Consider it your writing playground on topics ranging from first/third person preferences to the Kindle vs. iPad war.
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