Now, class. I mean, Chalkheads. (cough) Today we are going to look at some fun Halloween favorites. First let me warn you. There will be no trick-or-treating, smiling, or laughable songs about witches stirring impaled fingernails in their brews. Furthermore, there will be no spiderwebby crosswords, jack-o-lantern word searches, or whisper-thin haunted noises streaming over the classroom speakers.
Today we are going to look at something--how should I say this (cough)--something different.
Edward St. John Gorey. (1925-2000)
If you've heard of him--Great! If you haven't, now you have. But have no fear, he's dead. So he's not going to disturb you too much. Well, let me take that back. He is disturbing, rather his work is such. But it's better now than later, say around Christmas. You wouldn't want to experience a Gorey Christmas or Gorey Easter or Gorey Fourth of July, would you? How about a Gorey Day-After-Chris Columbus-Day? After all, Chris Columbus didn't really discover America, yet he took credit, rather, we gave him credit for doing so. And he wasn't really nice to Native Peoples, was he? So Chris deserves a taste of macabre near his holiday. And today, he's getting it, right between the--
Okay, so it's settled. A Gorey Holiday, celebrated the Day-After-Chris Columbus-Day. Mark it on your calendar for next year... if you're still (cough) alive.
See the Tinies meet their fates here.
Now, if you'll excuse me while I go to the bathroom and heave and convulse while coughing up a lung.